Planning to fail or…

Or How I travelled to the Dirty Bristow Summer Fête and never quite arrived.

should add in my defense of the following, much of the past week has either been spent either being at, or traveling to or from Hospitals. Or else trying to de virus and eventually wipe my laptop, Oh yeah, while still trying to stay on top of a 9 to 5 job. In short I have become accustomed to running around like a headless chicken on not enough sleep, food nor alcohol…

So I set out for the Dirty Bristow Summer Fête safe in the assumption I knew where it was, in my head it was the same place we saw Suspira at the opening of last years Supersonic festival, this turned out to be, well, wrong.

Things started quite badly when the bus driver of my local First Midlands bus service decided not to stop to pick up any passengers at my stop, this does seems to happen occasionally, the last time it did we were left stranded in Selly Oak but at least there was a pub next to us to kill some time in. Anyway, consulting the timetable it seems that thanks to the non stopping First Midland bus, in combination with their customer friendly timetable, I now had just over an hour to wait until the next one. Incensed by this, the fact the git hadn’t stopped and the fact I hoped to be home early-ish I decided to forsake alcohol and drive. What I should have done is gone home, looked up where the venue was and put my feet up for half an hour but thats hindsight for you.

All went well on the drive in, seems they’ve even resurfaced the dodgy road through Longbridge at long last. I got into Birmingham, parked up and set off towards where I thought ‘the Edge’ was. It took me a missed road to find the place and when I did it turned out that what I had in my head as the Edge was in fact Vivid. I’m not sure why I was sure this was the Edge, tumblers had dropped in place when I saw the name and even looking at the map I recognised a few landmarks and thought, yep, thats the place.

At this point I realised that I didn’t even know what street the Edge was on, but I figured if I went up and down the vague grid system of Digbeth I’d come to it eventually. I was supposedly a few minutes from the city centre and from its name I’d guess it would be on the outer fringes. After about an hour I’d certainly arrived at various Edges of the city however no luck on the venue finding front. At one point I saw a couple of people outside somewhere taking artistic style photos ‘aha!’ I thought but no, it transpired that they we’re just taking photos of the graffiti and posters on display. I realised after a while I was quite enjoying my little jaunt around Digbeth and, it having been such a manic week, a little peace and quiet and some walking was quite therapeutic.

As the sun began to set however I started to have doubts that I would ever find the place. Expanding my search to the other side of the High Street a little, though I was sure from past experience that this side was even more industrial and empty than the other. I walked down Warwick Street and then back over for one more sweep of Digbeth nearer the town, There was a band on at the Waggon and Horses who sounded rather good, if I’d not been driving I might have called it a day and gone in for a couple of pints and some noisy music, as it was I wandered onward. A couple of streets on I saw what I thought might just be the Mayor of Dirty Bristows car, however this was not a help, I even started following likely hip looking punters towards places in the hope someone would lead me there, you know you have little hope when this happens. A brief bit of guitar based indie noise on a an empty street bought a comfortable image of standing in a warm small space, beer in one hand, watching a band, was this it? no, turned out to be a recording studio.

As darkness fell I found I’d taken an increasing desperate circuitous route and ended up coming back into the town via Millennium Point and Curzon Street Station. By this stage my enjoyment in walking was on the wain, did I mention I needed the loo earlier? well I did, in fact I had ventured into the new Coach Station, nice as it is in there, they now want 30p for you to have a pee, thats ten pence over the odds, even the famous talking toilets of Much Wentlock are not that expensive. So…

While walking round the only things I could think of to help my situation were to find a computer with internet access [my phone is an antique and doesn’t ‘do’ the internet or else to ask someone, I had no luck in the first and a couple of blank looks in the second.
It probably shows how badly my brain has been working that it didn’t occur to me to phone up someone with a computer and get them to look it up for me.

So I took myself and my home grown tomato back home, I’m not sure how much beer two hours walking takes up but when I got back and offloaded the car I did my best to equal things out.

It looks like the launch was a whole lot of, slightly unusual, fun. I’m gutted I missed it but theres no one to blame but myself for that. I did enjoy my walk around though and hope the magazine breaks even or then some, then maybe there can be an issue 2 launch night at some future point.

If you’d like to make that possible, why not get yourself over to dirtybristow.co.uk and buy yourself a copy, its only 4 quid and its sure to be great given some of the very talented people involved.

ad a very enjoyable afternoon at Panshanger Aerodrome last Sunday, or as it is slightly less poetically now called the North London Flying School. Some quite amazing vintage aeroplanes flying along with some vintage cars [and people] all in a very relaxed, low key environment. I think I can categorically say I will never be able to afford such pursuits myself but it was very nice to see all the same.

Our destination of choice was an overnight stay near Hitchin, so the Travelodge Stevenage Little Wymondley Hotel was to be our destination. Worryingly it didn’t seem to show up on Google satellite view but it is in fact there, just a little further up the road than Google says. Unfortunately the Little Wymondley Travelodge also doesn’t seem to appear in any of the Travelodge offers, so no £19 a night room for us or even ten percent off the £55.70 price. I’ll admit, I’m a relative cheapskate when it comes to hotel rooms, that is, I like to pay as little as possible for the best room possible. Admittedly this had lead to two nights in The George Hamilton V Hotel in Brighton, as would later be featured on TVs top 10 worst hotels in Britain [and now called the Sandalwood I believe.] and also a night in a hotel room in Barcelona that was straight out of an 18th century slum, it may have had a lot of character but just looking at the shower made you want to take a shower. Just not in that shower.

So anyway, previous experiences aside we climbed the stairs to the hotel entrance, there was a large outdoor stairlift mounted on the side of the steps, this was rather impressive though it later did occur to me that there was no apparent lift inside the hotel so I guess there may be disabled accessible rooms on the first floor. Anyway, check in was straightforward, the chap on the desk was very friendly and while he was stumped with some of the more complex surnames of members of our group ‘How would you be spelling Cotton, sir?’ he was very efficient and helpful.

My room was very spacious, it had a nice high ceiling, plenty of wall space and, well, a bed in one corner. It was a very large room, in fact it was huge, it was the kind of room that you should have a party in. The lack of anything in but me reminded me of moving in to a new house in a new city, that or some eastern block movie from the seventies.

Aside from the large room I also found I had three pillows, one with a large gash in it, three windows, two stuck shut and one that opened three inches and had a broken lock. So thats what you get for your £57. A couple of friends who were staying in the hotel had more traditionally proportioned rooms with french windows and balconies which didn’t, in fact open, for your safety apparently, but they did give a nicer feel to the room. These rooms also were close to a generator which grumbled through the night so I was told.

The hotel bar closed at eleven, I wouldn’t know but we arrived at five past and it was in actual lock down. So returning to the room after a few drinks elsewhere to discover a lack of digital stations on the TV set and the only choice of radios 2, 5 and talk sport I lay back, a tad disappointed in my very large empty room.

Luckily I had a book, its one of those Bourne ones by Robert Ludlum, I’ve been surprised that they are actually quite good, and I think this is the only one I’ve not yet read now, anyway, I reached for a switch for the built in bed lamp and Wow! the bed lit up like something from Star Trek!!! I was most impressed with this feature in my otherwise slightly very boring room. I don’t know quite what was the thinking when it came down to a decision of furniture Vs wall decor Vs a disco bed but hey, good on them for thinking outside the box as it really made my night. My room was like a sweat box by midnight, the 3 inches of ventilation didn’t do a lot and air con is clearly something of the future but I’m sure I didn’t imagine the disco bed, in fact I remember leaping up and taking a photo of it…

So, the Travelodge Stevenage Little Wymondley Hotel would I stay in it again? I guess, at a push, if there was no other choice. If I’d paid £19 for the room I got I would have been very happy, as it was I think the charge was a little rich*. Full marks for the friendly staff and the disco bed though. Luckily the rest of the weekend was far more fun, maybe some more on that later in the week.

*I forgot to mention the dirty cup and spoons and the cigarettes littering the 2nd floor outside window area of the ‘non’ smoking room.

Very exited to be given the opportunity to illustrate a story in the very first issue of the new, no rules, no advertising, magazine Dirty Bristow.

I was exited to get drawing as its been a few months since I did any real ‘artwork’ and as such its great to have a deadline and something to work with. That said, due to some travel problems, remember Eyjafjallajökull?, I lost the best part of a month, that and the fact I was so out of practice combined with a struggle to get a handle on the location of the piece I was illustrating meant that despite spending a fair amount of time on my illustration I wasn’t 100% happy with it at the end. That happens sometimes and often I look back and see I was wrong and everything was just fine, so I’m doubly looking forward to seeing things in print myself. I’m also flattered to be in such good company of some of the writers and illustrators involved.

Anyway the good news is it worked, I was so disgusted with how out of practice I’d become I’ve got several new pieces on the go, so thats a result. Heres some more info on the launch night;

In a display of seasonal awareness to match how Bill Oddie thinks it’s time to watch spring in May, Birmingham City Centre is getting a Summer Fête at the end of August. The Edge in Digbeth will be the venue for Punch & Judy, Splat The Rat, a Tug O’ War, Teddy Bear Bungee, Guess The Weight Of The Cake, and all of the stuff you would expect at a traditional British summer fête — plus music and comedy from some exciting acts.
It’s the launch event for new Brum-based magazine Dirty Bristow The magazine doesn’t carry adverts, in order to give full freedom to the writers and illustrators — and so each issue will hold fundraising events to offset the cost of production. Issue one is packed with literary musings, essays, fiction and art on the theme of ‘birth’, and the only way to guarantee a copy is to come to the fête.

The mayor and vicar of the small fictional hamlet of Dirty Bristow have collected a huge variety of traditional musics, comedy, stalls and games — and have arranged for them to happen:
on Saturday 28th August from 6pm ’til Late
at The Edge in Digbeth
for the tiny tiny fee of £5 — which includes a copy of Dirty Bristow issue one (magazine usually £3.50)
So far confirmed is live music from 8-Bit Ninjas and Glatze and comedy from Tom Lennon and Harry Vale, more acts and attractions are to be announced.

Thats just £5 for a copy of the magazine and whats looks to be a very memorable night outs entertainment, why I spent more than that for a couple of hours parking at the hospital this week and I know where I’d rather be spending my money.

You can learn some more at the Dirty Bristow website and also buy tickets there too.

Fields opposite the humourosly titled ‘Dog in the Lane’ in Astley, Shropshire.

was shocked and saddened to learn about the death of my ex colleague, friend and fellow inker of paper mister Dave Cripps earlier this month.

Dave was responsible for probably about 98% of the comments I’ve had on this site over the years. I first worked with Dave at a small printing outfit in one of the darker edges of Birminghams Jewelry Quarter in the early 00’s. He beavered away creating quality advertisements for some of the midlands premier autodealers and I knocked up the websites for them. I left the job there after a couple of years but Dave stayed and we kept loosely in touch through the Internet, and mostly, through the comment section of our respective corners of the web.

His comments were always left under the ‘Webazoot’ moniker, this was one of the many suggestions made when, working for the business in Birmingham, we were trying to come up with a name for a new website. I can’t remember whether it was Dave or Stewart who came up with the name now, either way it was one of the less sensible ones, though we ended up with ‘Webtropolis,’ which I think was my idea, so thats not saying much. Who knows, if we’d gone with Webazoot we could be all be millionaires now.

Such as it was Webazoot took on a life of its own, always a keyword for poor and over priced services and all that is bad in the design world. Several small projects involving Dave and the Webazoot moniker popped up over the years, I’ve collated a few of them below so at least I’ll know where they are;

Daves ‘quality’ Box – the recycling box from Daves desk, which we listed and sold on ebay for all of about £3.50 in 2003. We dutifully decided Dave should receive the profit from the sale, less listing fees, as he was now without a box to collect his recyclable paperwork in. I think the money was still sat on his desk when I left the company two years later.

Dudley Cripps in Space [Flash adventure game] – Play as Daves alter ego Dudley Cripps in a badly hacked together text based adventure game, familiar to anyone with a zx spectrum in 1984.

Webazoot Customer Support – the desk smashing angry computer guy was and early Internet meme, we all thought it resembled Dave with his corner desk setting so…

The Company Stapler on Daves holidays I just found this photo Dave emailed me, funnily enough I was in Barmouth last year and the Carousel Cafe still lacks a letter on its signage.

A very OTT under construction screen in Flash.

About Webazoot – A page Dave put together himself which probably sums up the ‘Webazoot ethos’ about the best.

I can’t really take it in that when I make a post I won’t have a witty/random/sarcastic/funny comment appear a few days later. It was a pleasure to know Dave and I’m sure going to miss him and his thoughts.

You can take a look at some of Daves drawings and paintings at his page on Elfwood.

RIP big man, far too soon.

A photo of the National Air Traffic Services radar at Titterstone Clee, titter ye not.
Seemed appropriate give the amount of flight grief many have had this, and last, month. More updates soon, when either the temperature reaches a more conducive to work level or else I find an air conditioned bunker to work in…